Copyright 2005 Paul Merrill
Scene – Kitty Catfish Club – Inside
Condition: Freddi and Luther enter the Kitty Catfish Club for the first time.
Freddi and Luther enter. The club is dark, except for some red and blue
lights. In the corner, under a small blue spotlight, a jazz quartet is playing.
Bags Blowfish (who looks like Dizzy Gillespie) is playing trumpet. Bags blows
up like a balloon when he’s playing trumpet. After the song ends, and Bags
deflates, Freddi and Luther approach Bags.
FREDDI
Wow!
You’re good!
BAGS
(in a scratchy “Satchmo” voice)
Thanks
kid. And who might you be?
FREDDI
Freddi Fish, and
this is my best friend Luther.
LUTHER
Hi!
BAGS
Pleased to
meet your acquaintances. My name’s Bags Blowfish and this is my band. You got
Billy Bass on the bass (“base”)…
BILLY
What’s happenin’, short stuff?
BAGS
Hidin’ behind the piano over there is Mr. Otter Potter.
OTTER
(meekly)
Hello.
BAGS
And finally,
we got ol’ six arms on the skins.
LUTHER
I thought an octopus was supposed to have eight arms.
SIX ARMS
Well,
nobody’s perfect!
BAGS
Now then,
what can we do for you two youngsters?
FREDDI
Well Mr.
Blowfish, Luther and I were wondering if you knew anything about the “Maltese
Flounder”?
BILLY BASS
The Maltese Flounder?!
Terrified, Billy Bass spreads the strings on his big, upright, bass guitar
like a curtain and hops inside.
OTTER POTTER
The Maltese Flounder?!
Otter Potter lifts up the keys of his piano, as if they were a rug, and
squeezes underneath them to hide.
SIX ARMS (OCTOPUS)
The Maltese Falcon! I mean, the Maltese Flounder!
Six Arms pulls his tentacles into his body so that he looks like a
basketball with eyes. He then bounces himself across the floor, off the wall,
and into a trashcan. Luther and Freddi look at each other for a second.
LUTHER
Was it something we said?
BAGS BLOWFISH
Awww, them scaredy-cat fish are jus’ superstitious.
FREDDI
What do you mean, Mr. Blowfish?
BAGS BLOWFISH
Well you see kids, some folk ‘round here think that the old Maltese Flounder is
… (dramatically) Cursed!
Band-mates hiding in instruments shudder and whine.
BAGS BLOWFISH
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! But nobody in their right mind believes that old fish tale.
FREDDI
Do you know where the Maltese Flounder is, Mr. Blowfish?
BAGS BLOWFISH
Well, I can’t say I ever saw the thing my ownself. You oughta ask ol’ Piranha
Pete at the newsstand.
LUTHER
P-P-P-P-Piranha?!
BAGS BLOWFISH
Aww, don’t you worry ‘bout ol’ Pete. All his teeth fell out years ago! That ol’
timer’s been around even longer than me! Ha-ha-ha! He’ll be able to tell you
whatever you need to know. Be sure to tell ‘em ol’Bags sent ya.
FREDDI
Thanks a lot, Mr. Blowfish.
BAGS BLOWFISH
Anytime, kids. (to bandmates) Now come on out of there, you cowards! We
got some rehearsin’ to do!
Scene – Kitty Catfish Club – Inside
Condition: click on Bags Blowfish without having ever left the Kitty Catfish
Club scene.
- 1 –
FREDDI
Where is the newsstand, anyway?
BAGS BLOWFISH
Just up the street, kid. You can’t miss it.
- 2 –
FREDDI
Do think any of your band-mates know anything about the . . . (whispers)
Maltese Flounder?
BAGS BLOWFISH
You kidding me? These cats can barely tie their shoes, dig?
- 3 & C –
LUTHER
Say, Mr. Blowfish, does your face hurt when you blow it up like that?
BAGS BLOWFISH
Well shorty, let’s just say you shouldn’t try it at home. Ah-ha-ha-ha!